I’m learning…life is changing as I navigate a new chapter of self-awareness and humility brought on by reflection, acceptance and looking back on my life from a different perspective.
Singer Steve Perry came out with his first solo album in roughly 20 years yesterday, and I find myself listening to his former music group Journey’s 1996 album Trial By Fire on repeat as I write this, after listening to his new album several times.
Steve’s journey back to music has hit me deeply, like I’m living a similar journey – obviously not as far as being a rock star is concerned, but with self-reflection and communicating one’s feelings with the world via creativity. Musicians and songwriters tend to be emotional, sentimental folks, and I’m no different (except for the fact that I don’t play any instruments – but feeling deeply reflective and existential has always been my way, to a fault many times, I confess).
This song is on repeat in my ears now… (Go to song)
…as I type this post, I feel a desire to move on from sharing everything with the world, since I feel the desire to take time away from social media due to sharing so much so frequently over the last few years, after writing my first book entitled Beyond ADHD. It was a battle to even get a book deal and get it out there, but we DID IT. WE F-ING DID IT. It took me to hell and back, through a near-breakdown and mental health battles, but now it’s out there. Now I’m older, wiser and not nearly as naive’ about a few things, though I will always maintain my passion for creating and sharing, but I feel the need to simply live my story out more and write for myself for now, then come back if and when the time feels right with book two.
There’s so much more I could say here, and clearly, something within me has needed to share my journey with the public, but time will tell how much from this deeply powerful journey will be shared. I know there are a ton of people like me who feel very deeply about life, its meaning and the desire to not live on autopilot – to make sense of our journeys as we go, so I know that folks out there will resonate with what I share, but I need to learn to take a step back and allow myself to simply feel, reflect and continue on my path privately as well. I’ve got my own shit – my own emotional ways and perhaps a couple diagnoses I could be given, but fuck that stuff – there’s a line between a diagnosis being helpful and being downright overkill. We all have our quirks and our ways. I’m learning to embrace my identity, who I am and the fact that I love myself, despite my mistakes.
Sometimes, less is more, they say. This has always been a challenging concept for me, as an intense, driven and emotional man within. I’m hard-wired this way, but clearly, I have lessons to embrace, accept and trust in. The constant need to rush things that screamed within me to come out (like a memoir, which has called me for many years now, despite my “old” age of 42, lol) has resulted in self-sabotage and flip-flopping several times.
That’s OK. This is my journey. I accept that and don’t worry over what people might think. I’m being true to myself, and in the end, that helps me sleep at night. I’m doing my best and am in awe with this life. I have so many things to be grateful for.
Back to this winding road…see you later.