Why the photo of the truck, Jeff? – You’ll see. Keep reading.
Overcoming Depression Taught Me Intense & Crucial Lessons
The truck shown above is identical to the one I first saw in June or July of 1999, while on a payphone talking to my Grandmother shortly after I moved out from her place, my very first time living on my own. Long story short, I was working as a casino security officer at the time, three years out of high school, loving the field I was in.
It was late at night, and the rumble of a loud diesel engine caught my ears before the Loomis Armored Car Service truck pulled into the opposite end of the strip mall to where I was, doing some sort of delivery or pick-up from the Bank of Montreal branch.
I was captivated, thinking to myself “holy crap, to be entrusted with that level of responsibility and protocol is amazing!” I was hooked then and there, and I absolutely loved the truck, a “vault on wheels,” if you will.
- I still love those trucks. I always will. However, seeing this one in 1999 set me on a mission that lasted more than 15 years. Let me repeat that: FIFTEEN YEARS.
Imagine Not Being Able To Do What Your Heart Is On Fire For Due to Your Own Actions (Having to Wait 10 Years!)
The kicker? I had a criminal record at the time, but was deemed fit to keep my casino security licence (due to the nature of the charge and my honesty in being up-front with it immediately). I’m lucky they even allowed me to keep it. Despite my record, I became literally hell-bent on proving myself.
Little did I know that I was far from being able to even do the job, though I applied to companies shortly after, even being called for two interviews.
My point here is that over the next 15 years I drifted from job to job due to another charge and conviction that happened that same year. In a moment of not controlling myself over the phone when trying to break up a brief relationship with a girl, I spoke in a threatening manner. She had a friend listening in on another phone in her house, and that was it – I was charged with uttering threats.
I deserved to be, frankly. When the judge caught wind of my desire to work as an armed guard, he put a “10-year weapon prohibition” on me, due to the nature of the charge (threats – it just made sense, though I would never have hurt a fly – I was hurting inside from early trauma with my Mother).
I stood in that courtroom on November 8, 2000, took my sentence and felt my soul drop out of my body, like I “broke inside” right then and there. I was crushed, yet a part of me was not going to give up…I would find a way to show that I’m better than my current behavior – even if it killed me. I meant it. I was ashamed of myself, viciously determined yet absolutely crushed.
There is a lot I have to leave out due to the size of this blog post, but I became obsessed with proving myself, even trying to join the military to be able to work in the armoured car industry later on (whatever it took was my mindset – I was willing to give my life to achieve my dream).
I even have a tattoo of the red and blue Loomis symbol you see on the top right side of the truck, with the words “This Warrior’s Mission” around it. Yeah – I was serious.
Lessons From Depression Make Or Break Us – The Choice Is Yours (and Mine)
This drove me to an identity crisis over the years, constant frustration, despair and even a suicide attempt in 2011. I was so fiercely determined, and you couldn’t tell me to stop trying, either. I had to learn on my own. Countless labor jobs on night shifts, many of which I walked out of after panic attacks for my future, not sure how the heck I’d eat the next week or pay the bills.
Again – there’s a lot more to this journey, this battle I waged within myself, but you get the point. I learned from depression that one of two things would happen:
- I’d end up killing myself or die due to sheer intensity (in some way, shape or form), or
- I’d find a way to make it to a career and life where I could be at peace in self-fulfillment and achieve my immense potential in some way
To be continued.
Stay tuned this week for part 2 of Overcoming Depression: How I Learned to Be Successful…